Oink?

A lot of times when I write, I'm pushed to do it because I'm just fed up with my own actions or especially inaction. I feel pretty calm right now so I'd like to just type out some thoughts from this week.

I've been thinking about the importance of family a lot this week and shared a few good conversations with people on the same page.

I was looking at a picture of me around age 4 or 5 sitting with my Paw Paw (Grandfather) in his recliner as he's reading me a story. I closed my eyes and tried to pretend I was there again, safely leaning on his chest and soaking up whatever intriguing story was unfolding from that book. (It was the 3 little pigs) Sometimes I would love to go back and have that tangible feeling of security again. I wish I could find some pajamas like that to fit me now too.

It's amazing to actually take into account just how much my family has done for me. Paw Paw played southern gospel music for 50 years and always pushed my brother and I onto a stage to sing a song with him and Mimi. Over the years he helped pay for our lessons and bought us gear and anything else we needed. He always knew we had a passion for this stuff and wanted us to pursue our dreams more than anything. I think some of his brightest times were when we had a family band and traveled around the region to play at little country churches. The band was a ridiculous outfit made up of around ten people including some close family friends. We packed all our gear into this tiny little trailer( which later served as the first Gills trailer) and drove separate cars to some of the most country fried places in Alabama and Florida. I remember how happy he was just to have us all on stage together. He would say that out of all the groups he played with , this was his favorite.

When we started making music (pre-Gills) he supported it just as much. I knew he didn't really get the music, but he knew we were stoked to be doing it so he would pick out things that sounded pretty and reach across a huge generational gap just to compliment our work. He would tell me about his Nashville experiences, how the musicians working on the album would just come in and lay down perfect unrehearsed tracks. I knew he wanted us to experience this stuff, and know the joy music brings you to play it, and then share it with others. He was never really rich but he did everything in his power and even reached beyond what he maybe should have sometimes to support us. He spent his last few years making sure we knew he believed in us. Even when he became totally dependent on my Mimi and nurses he made sure he expressed how much he wanted to see us succeed.

I think about him all the time now and talk to him occasionally. I give him updates and try to make promises to make good decisions. I never feel him looking down on me with disapproval. Even when I do stupid things, I see him getting stoked for me to move forward. I know he's watching me and keeping angels on their guard over my family. They can't slack around him or he'll get livid.

Him and my parents stir up some of my biggest motivation for living, and reaching goals. This is a huge world that can easily crush me into nothing or change me into someone I don't like, but I'm not afraid to take it on and come out on top because of the anchors I have holding me down and the steel cage I'm safely enclosed in thanks to my family.

These boys could really jam.

There are two kinds of wasted talent. One is talent that doesn't get used. The other is

that which is only used for selfish reasons. If I achieve every goal I've ever dreamed of
only to make me happy, then I have failed just as badly as if I lived the rest of my life
in a closet.

I'm in a funk right now. I'm scared, selfish, and fake. Every time I realize these things
it just makes it worse. I get so angry at my own self pity that I just end up feeling more
sorry for myself. I'm so self aware that I always feel like I'm putting on an act for
someone. I literally feel myself listening and watching the things I do like an ever

critiquing third party. It makes authenticity quite a struggle.

It seems to be helpful to just yell really loud as I'm driving by myself. Crying is also
amazing therapy, maybe even the ultimate. If I can just ball my eyes out until my

face muscles are in pure agony, then I'll feel that something has physically left my

body and I've moved forward. How much of it is real though? How many times have

I just cried like a baby about something and still never accomplished anything?

That is our tendency from the beginning! When we pooped in our diapers, we

just cried and moaned until someone came to make everything better again. I'm sick

of being someone who just wants to pitch a fit until someone brings me that spoon

full of delicious apple sauce, or feels sorry for me because of how much pain and

discomfort this gas is causing me.

I'm only typing this out to vent. I hope that putting my frustration into words will

help me get past this nonsense. I hate even spending this much time on it. I would

rather just vomit this into a bag and set it on fire. I'm sure this turmoil inside me

would be very combustable so it's a good thing I don't smoke.

Although sometimes, exploding seems like it would be the best feeling ever.

What a coincidence that I can relate so well with my recent celebrity look alike.

He must have had a similar life moment when he was my age.

"A decade ago, I never thought I would be,
at twenty-three, on the verge of
spontaneous combustion. -Woe-is-me.-
But I guess that it comes
with the territory,
An ominous landscape of
never-ending calamity.
I need you to hear,
I need you to see
that I have had all I can take and
exploding seems like an imminent possibility
to me." - Brandon Boyd

He also mentions gravity and hypocrisy in this song. Way too close to home.

I think he was more frustrated with the world he was watching around him.
I'm dealing with my inside world. The funny thing is, I'm so hypocritical and

so good at blaming, that I blame myself as if I'm another person.

"Matt, this is all your fault."

It's so easy to do. Especially thanks to BP lately. I COULD easily go off on a
tangent and feel a lot better about myself just by mentioning how despicable

it is that the greed and irresponsibility of these men have turned our world

upside down and quite literally crapped on so many lives!

( Mm, that felt good.)

However, the problem is that I've certainly done the same thing in my own

little world in so many ways.

How many of my own "beaches" are destroyed by the darkness I've caused

or let in? I won't even mention the "beaches" of those around me. Oops, mentioned.

This is why I'm not safe in my own hands. Neither is anyone around me.

I need some serious help.

So, is this where I just sit back and wait for someone to rescue me?

I really hope not. We'll see. I really wish I could stop speaking for the next year or so.

If that happened, then maybe one of these words would weigh something.

Friends, I'm not schizophrenic or suicidal. I'm a genuinely happy person with all the blessings a human could ever want or need. If you see me smile, it's real. It means I'm really enjoying that moment. Like everyone else though, I have things that build up, and I have found this to be a great way for me to deal with them. I don't want to seem like I think my problems are even on a chart with real world issues or some of the horrible things that billions of people deal with. I don't want to seem unhappy or ungrateful either. I'm not. I love my life (to death). I really do. I just have thoughts. I'm not sure what my motivation is for sharing my thoughts, but I hope it's only along the lines of me hoping to encourage someone or reach out for someone to relate to. Either way, I don't need pity for times like this. It would only make things worse. Only comment if something connects with you and you want to vent as well. Or for goodness sake share some advice if you've been through something similar.

Sky Divers.

Wednesday, June 23, 2010 at 9:56am

A fall from a plane is most certain death for our soft little human bodies, even if we were to land on a sea of gummie bears. In this case, gravity is not our friend. I mean, why should it be? We built this machine to take us up in the air and basically give gravity the finger! How rude? We are so arrogant! To think that after that obscene gesture we display for however long it's takes us to reach 900 brazillian feet, we can just do a back flip out of the safety of "the bird" and expect to survive the force of "Angry Uncle Gravity"!

Although it appears to be for our own good sometimes, I can't help but think that gravity just doesn't like us very much. I don't mean to get all John Mayer here, but it is constantly doing everything to weigh us down and defeat our attempts at flight.

Do you ever feel this type of weight on your mind? Do you ever feel it coming from other people?

Sometimes I don't think we realize the weight of the words we say and how strongly we influence each other's self esteem.

Do you ever feel trapped to act a certain way around certain people? Like you just can't possibly be any other way than how they see you?

Think about how tangible disapproval is. Sometimes people might as well just tell you to your face that they don't believe in you, and you'll probably be stuck losing your whole life. Have you ever wanted super human mental powers? Well, we all have them! Really strong ones. We can crush each other with out even knowing it. Without even saying anything. How many times have you heard someone talk about their dreams and just never really connected with them? You might think what they are doing is cool but they never quite feel the attitude of "Wow, that's amazing! You can do that!"

Let's pay a little more attention to each other. My friends are some of the most talented people out there, with their strongest attribute being their love for people, and ability to hope for a better world.

We all need help from each other to relieve this weight that gravity is relentlessly forcing on us. It doesn't need any help! We don't need to add any more weight to the people around us! Just go to Wal Mart some time and notice how tired people are from this life battle. One word can help someone escape a world of guilt and heaviness. One encouraging statement can send someone soaring.

I seriously want to go sky diving. Anyone up for it this summer?

Say What?

I was asked a question. I don't know who asked it but, it set something off in me that has been building up for a while now. I just started writing and examining myself. I know I'm not the only one who has these thoughts brewing inside, but we rarely ever dig deep enough or care what each other is thinking. I'm not trying to offend anyone with this it's just my thoughts. We live in a society that is supposed to be about freedom of speech, but I've felt so chained down, it's hard to even be honest with myself. I didn't write this to get a response, but now that I think about it, I would love to hear what anyone has to say about this. Let's have opinions people!! How often do we really consider what we are claiming as believers or non-believers?

Q: Who is Jesus Christ to you? What does He and The Cross mean in your life?

A:Wow. This couldn't have been asked at a better time.

I have been raised to know this Jesus as someone who knows everything and sees consequences of our actions way before we can. Somehow even though we believe he is the Son of this God who, by speaking a few words, created everything we see and explore and come very shy of understanding (Including ourselves), we believe that we can talk to Him and that he is actually listening. Furthermore, we believe that he wants us to be a part of this beautiful kingdom he owns, which is supposed to be more overwhelmingly beautiful than anything our little spaghetti like brains could imagine- A constant state of joy as we bask in this environment where we are floating in a sea of light and color and this music is belting from us to express our adoration for this being we know as God. (but like I said, our minds have no idea what it will look like, that's just my pitiful attempt to describe what I want)

We are supposed to believe that Jesus was a man who lived this amazing life of upsetting and inspiring all these people, through the wildest teachings anyone had ever heard and healing diseases right before their eyes. The religious people hated him because he called them out for their self righteousness and revealed that they were more wicked than anyone in the world, so they beat him to a bloody pulp, nailed his naked body to a cross high in the air for everyone to see. (are you getting the picture? I'm in tears right now) So somehow because that happened we have this ability to communicate with an all knowing being and all of the stupid, selfish things we do are forgiven and forgotten and we can live now, as free as we'll be when we're floating through space, or whatever heaven is. No guilt. No shame.

How does this apply to my life? Well, I think we would live in a better world if people like me, who actually believe this crazy stuff, would stop talking everyone's ear off, wasting precious time on God knows what, and reached out to help hurting people. There is so much uncertainty and loneliness in our world. How often do I ignore the needs around me that I have the power to help? We all do. It's ridiculous. The little things are what matter.

Seek first the Kingdom of God and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you. Matthew 6:33

"All these things" are my dreams. I dream of using my gifts to help people. Why do I always think I'm going to accomplish these huge goals with my human hands? They can only carry so much weight, and they usually end up doing more harm than good(to the people I love most).

Jesus and The Cross to me means, relying on this force that I can't see, but have felt my whole life and watched countless times as it's spared me from destruction and forgiven me despite my selfish actions. I am a wreck. I'm 23 and have so much to learn and I screw up every chance I get. I'm determined, however, to stay on this path because it's the only one that has results that I care anything about.

Romans 6:21-22 What fruit were you getting at that time from the things of which you are now ashamed? For the end of those things is death. But now that you have been set free from sin and have become followers of God, the fruit you get leads to sanctification and its end, eternal life.


This is where I'm supposed to put "I'm having fun over here at Formspring! Ask me anything!"

http://www.formspring.me/MattPrince

On My Way Up.

The following started out as a journal entry but I felt impressed to post it. If you are tagged in this, you might represent a group of people I was thinking of while writing. This is lengthy, don't feel obligated to respond or feel like I'm singling you out. It's just some thoughts. But lately I've seen how "just some thoughts" can become much more meaningful than I imagined.
A confession? An apology? Way too long? Painful to write? This is all of the above.
Hope it helps someone.


There are some moments in life where everything seems to be actually functioning as a system and the world doesn't seem like such a chaotic place. Like the difference between a beautiful song and t.v. static. Somehow right now it seems that the people I'm around and am meeting are tuned in to this same song that I'm hearing. This case is interesting because it didn't take some big tragic event to force me into a new direction. It just took a couple little sparks and an unforeseen changing of circumstances which were pretty big but not emotionally devastating. That's how I know this is real.

Everyday for the past month has been a growing experience. It feels like I've had a big callus removed from my whole body, mind, and soul. I can feel everything. I'm very sensitive to everything. When something is sad, it cuts really deep and completely moves my soul, and when something is positive it forces a smile to my face. When I hear good music, it moves me to tears. When something is funny it makes me laugh harder than ever. It's sensory overload. I'm overwhelmed with an appreciation for human talent and how mind blowing the world around us is. I feel alive.

This doesn't just mean I'm on an emotional high. It's not just a Cloud 9 experience. It's reality... Smacking me in the face!

One of the biggest things I feel is how broken I am. I have lived a good life so far and been given so much to help me through life, but I still recall how I constantly take these things for granted, including the people around me. Lot's of people try not to regret things in their life, and for the purpose of being optimistic, I find myself agreeing with a lot of that, BUT, I can't help that I regret how much I have not been as concerned for the well being of the people around me (even close friends) as I have my own selfish little world. We as humans have the power to encourage each other in so many ways, potentially saving lives, but we let ourselves remain hypnotized by all of the meaningless things around us that mostly have to do with us satisfying our own desires. I have in mind all of the new friends I've made over the last couple of years and I'm evaluating how well I've actually been active in being a positive force in their life, and I have to say, I'm pretty disappointed in myself. So what should I do with that? I refuse to let it beat me down. I'm ready to learn.

The biggest thing I've been able to envision lately is how, regardless of what anyone believes, (including myself) there are Good forces, and there are Evil forces working towards us humans. The Evil force is taking everything that's good and stable, and tearing it apart. While the Good force is constantly picking up these broken things and causing good to happen. This has been happening since day one and will continue to happen even after we die.

Here is what I take from this. Even though I've made mistakes and haven't been a good example of what I think selfless living should look like. I have a fresh start. I have to believe that I can start over. If it weren't true, than everything I've ever believed is a joke. People can move on and make good happen from any circumstance.

I'm at an intersection and I see the two options perfectly clear. I'm determined to use the rest of my life for bettering the people around me. I want to always try to understand other view points and be a good listener, because God knows I'm not a great speaker. I'm not a well of wisdom and knowledge, but in this moment, I have a heart that I can feel beating in my chest and I have a healthy intimidation for the magnitude of what's ahead.

There is hope for good to exist in our world I have to avoid the things that cause my heart to grow cold and forget about how much work there is to be done here before I die. I realize now that we have no idea how little or much our actions affect those around us.

I'm sorry to anyone who feels like I let them down or treated them with less respect than they deserve. I'm on my way up from here on out, on a desperate mission to keep meaning in my life. I'm happy to have a good team to help me and I invite anyone else to join us. We're imperfect and we need more people like us.

The Wind.

(Thursday, February 25, 2010 at 12:44pm)


Everybody deals with change. Once in a while things just shift. You can never predict it, you can just feel it when it's happening to you. Living here, it's easy to relate to the wind. Sometimes change comes in like a Hurricane and causes unimaginable turmoil and heartache. Sometimes though, it feels more like a breeze, gently sneaking up on you, and rather than hurling you through the air like debris, it just let's you feel which way it's going, and shows you the next step. Fortunately for me and the whole Gills situation, it has been the latter. There is so much peace between myself and my four other closest friends right now. Especially after spending time in person discussing everything, and reading Allan and Nathan's notes. It has really exposed my heart and revealed some things to me about myself and the way I treat people.

I have learned so much about friendship this week. Mostly about appreciating how amazing your loved ones are and doing everything in your power to be a good friend. Encouraging them, listening, and actually caring.
Once in a while you have to really stop and soak up just how amazing your friends are. Nathan and Allan are two people that I will always share something special with. I know we will be friends for good, always encouraging each other, pushing each other to make good decisions and never give up. They really are two of my favorite people.

Allan is the easiest person to get along with and would never do anything to hurt someone. He lives life intentionally, standing firm in what he believes. He has an excellent grasp of just how important his family and friends are and always shows his appreciation. He has the purest motives, and while he holds on to such a young innosense, he's equally wise beyond his years.

Proverbs 1:5 A wise man will hear and increase in learning,
And a man of understanding will acquire wise counsel.

Nathan, hands down, is the funniest person I know. His mind is so creative and spontaneous, that he will always have the element of surprise in his humor. Not in a cheap shock value way (like me ha), but in the most intelligent way. That creativity translates so well to his playing and design work. It's amazing how naturally these really great ideas flow for him. He woud never be mean or think of himself as above anyone else. He knows how to treat people with respect. There is no sense of entitlement with Nathan. He is a humble guy that's more than willing to listen, and serve.

Psalm 51:16,17
You do not delight in sacrifice, or I would bring it;
you do not take pleasure in burnt offerings.
The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit;
a broken and contrite heart,
O God, you will not despise.

The other interesting thing about change as a breeze is it makes you realize that while you CAN feel it blowing in a certain direction, it's NOT going to just carry you where you need to be. Life is not a free ride. You have to stay focused on what is right and spend your whole life fighting your selfish desires to keep true meaning in your life. Always keeping your focus on God and the people around you. We have to push past the stupid things we've done so they don't wear us down with guilt and keep us from being the vessels that God uses to do incredible things to help improve other people's lives, instead of just our own.

God help me to never forget what I carry that can impact people in the most intense way. What I carry is the love you've shown me.